Saturday, July 24, 2010

Go to Sleep You Little Baby

I sometimes wonder if the gut feeling you have about something that may manifest is more correct than not.  I really do feel that I have a good gut instinct and about right now I am viewing a made for TV movie in my head.

The dramatic moments of a lover's quarrel, a soap opera cat fight, or pent up rage has all the elements of pain and sorrow.  Something we work really hard to have less than more in our life, but a persistent cloud remains.  Take it in then breathe it out--ujjayi breathing for parents.  This breath helps build energy, while clearing toxins out of the body.  Sit with the pain; the sorrow; the anger; the sadness - but then let the damn thing go.

Repeated scripts of abuse and remorse were at one theoretical, not anecdotal.  Anticipatory loss were scenes from movies or in novels, not in our daily bread at the kitchen table.  But as the girl becomes a woman and the boy becomes a man the loss of the child is sometimes grieved by those who love them.  By no means am I comparing the physical loss of a child (a death, a gun shot, or a self-inflicted accident) to the loss of innocence.  But sometimes loss is loss.

My son has experienced loss from the time he entered the world.  It keeps rolling up onto him as both a gentle wave and a crashing surf.  He has found both salvation and preservation when there were no words available.  But I wonder if the rubber-band that holds it all together will snap?  And if it does . . . . what happens next?

May the love that he has found bring him peace and know that the love he is my ever-loving baby.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

1 comment:

  1. Keeping that rubber band from snapping is a lifelong task(and not always successful in the way we'd like) but I don't know a more balanced mother to teach by example than you. Tween will one day say thank you.-- I think about you often and miss you so much. BIG HUGS!!!